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Married & Love Another Married Man that I Have Known for Almost 20 Years

I have been married for 10 years to a functional alcoholic. We have two younger kids. For the last 7 years I have been having an emotional affair with an ex. This man and I have always had a connection that never really went away. He is also married with a young child. He means the world to me. With him I feel so authentic, so safe and most of all accepted. I loved him so much and was heartbroken when we broke up so many years ago. I am torn between being drawn into this man and trying to remain committed to the marriage I am in. I try to convince myself that this isn't a real connection. I remind myself that it is ridiculous to think that this person is any better than my current husband or any other man, so why would I ruin an OK marriage for a jumble of inflated feelings that likely aren't real, except I am terrified that I am wrong. There has never been a person in my life that i have felt the same way I have with this other man, it's the same now as it was almost 18 years ago. The

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