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AKRON, OH—Calling the situation dangerous and a rescue operation “very risky,” authorities have confirmed they will now lower a rescue chip into a seven-layer dip to save a broken Tostito that got caught in the party spread approximately 45 seconds ago.

CARLISLE, PA—Saying she was having a “wonderful time” as she danced and socialized with fellow guests Saturday night, wedding-goer Corinne Bauer was said to be blissfully unaware she had barely made the cut to receive an invitation. “The ceremony was just gorgeous, and you couldn’t have asked for more perfect weather,” said the wholly oblivious Bauer, 29, who narrowly beat out two distant cousins and the…

As a parent, I feel like everywhere I turn, someone is warning me about the dangers of letting my children watch TV. While I agree that it can be harmful in large doses, honestly, what really matters to me is just making sure that when my children do watch TV, they’re watching shows that impart some sort of positive value into their lives. This also means steering them away from programs that might affect them negatively, which is why I never allow my…

Cash flow can make or break daily life for consumers or businesses. Not enough in your account? Plan on asking your landlord for a few more days to pay the rent. Not able to quickly access those funds in that check you just received? Payroll might get tricky, and maybe you won’t be able to […]

GALLATIN, TN—Saying he will just have to trust that the new organ he receives is as good as the other options out there, local man Keith Palmero confirmed Tuesday that his insurance provider would only cover a generic heart for his upcoming transplant surgery. “My doctor says it should work exactly the same as any other heart—it has the same valves, same ventricles, same everything,” said Palmero, adding that from what he understands, aside from lacking any branding, the heart he’s receiving is…

"Quality Always Speaks for Itself" KWA Performance Industries, Inc. proudly brings you the new Ronin "TEKKEN" TK-45! Keep a lookout for more content to be re...

WASHINGTON—A new Pew Research poll published Thursday revealed that 100 percent of Americans blame the United States federal government shutdown entirely on Scott Tipton (R-CO). “From the Rust Belt to the Sun Belt, across all income brackets and racial demographics, every single respondent surveyed came to the same conclusion that Colorado congressman Scott Tipton was solely at fault for this shutdown,” said lead researcher Michelle Sanger…

In its largest such increase in history, Netflix will raise prices to $13 per month on its most popular subscription plan. What do you think?