Latest content in Borger, TX

NEW HAVEN, CT—Commuter Michael Broberg boarded Metro-North Railroad's 8:37 p.m. train on Monday with one objective: to find a vacant bathroom in one of the train's seven cars and relieve himself in it. Unforeseen obstacles, however, forced him to continually revise and reevaluate this plan over the course of the nearly two-hour commute.

KALAMAZOO, MI—Failing to complete the simple task despite his ostensibly robust academic background, onlooking students at Kalamazoo College reported Wednesday that their supposedly educated literature professor Gene Cabella demonstrated no clue as to how to rid their lecture hall of a bird that had flown in through an open window. “He was talking a pretty big game about his intensive syllabus, then the bird came in…

CHARLOTTE, NC—Citing the urgent need for such measures given the devastation wrought by Hurricane Florence, the Federal Emergency Management Agency dispatched crews to affected areas Wednesday with instructions to do everything necessary to appear busy. “Try hitting stuff with a hammer, throwing a few cardboard boxes into a river, or whatever—just make it look like you’re doing something,” FEMA representative Travis Quinn said in a recent…